Ways to not be Ugly Broke And Smelly

6:30 AM – Wake Up:
You open your eyes, sniff the air… yup, it’s you. The smell has already become self-aware and is plotting its escape from your room. You check the mirror: your hair is doing its own horror movie thing, and your face looks like it lost a fight with a bag of potatoes. You sigh, because coffee costs money, and money is… nonexistent.

7:30 AM – Breakfast:
You stare at your cupboards. The last thing you have is a slightly sad slice of bread with a questionable smear of peanut butter. You eat it anyway. Breakfast of champions… or at least breakfast of the chronically broke.

9:00 AM – Social Interaction Attempt #1:
You try to say hi to your neighbor. They immediately flinch. You realize your natural scent—call it “eau de gym sock”—is more powerful than your words. You mumble something about the weather and retreat.

12:00 PM – Errands:
You go to the store, mostly to look at fancy things you can’t afford. People look at your wardrobe and sigh. You try to pay with optimism, but the cashier just shakes their head.

3:00 PM – Hobbies:
You decide to pursue your true passion: video games, memes, and scrolling through social media while eating leftover crumbs from yesterday’s “meal.” Your smelly aura attracts the family cat, who looks at you like, “I’m brave, but this is too far.”

6:00 PM – Attempt at Romance:
You try an online dating app. Profile picture: blurry, in low light, possibly taken during a mild thunderstorm. The bio: “Ugly, broke, smelly, but funny. Laugh at your own risk.” You get one like… from a bot.

10:00 PM – Reflection:
You look in the mirror again, sniff cautiously… yep, still smelly. You may be broke and ugly, but hey, at least you survived another day. And in your own way, you’re kind of legendary. The hero nobody asked for, living life on the edge of hygiene and fashion.

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