🎬 2025 MOVIES
UGLY, BROKE & SMELLY™ EDITION
🧨 BLOCKBUSTERS
(Big budgets. Bigger lies.)
Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning
What Hollywood Says: “The epic conclusion.”
Reality: Tom Cruise is still sprinting like the IRS is chasing him.
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
At this point, Ethan Hunt isn’t a spy — he’s a government-sponsored parkour problem. Tom jumps off planes, trains, and common sense. Meanwhile, you’re scared to step off a curb wrong because healthcare is fake.
⭐ Rating: 5/5 Stunts, 0/5 Retirement Plans
Avatar: Fire and Ash
What Hollywood Says: “A bold new chapter.”
Reality: Blue people argue again, now with lava.
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Three hours of visual beauty while you forget what anyone’s name is. It’s like watching the most expensive screensaver ever created. You leave amazed… and confused… and still broke.
⭐ Rating: 4/5 Eyeballs, 1/5 Plot Memory
The Running Man
What Hollywood Says: “Dystopian satire.”
Reality: This feels dangerously close to real life.
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
A movie about people being hunted for entertainment while corporations profit? Wow, very fictional. Edgar Wright makes capitalism punchy and stylish while you wonder if your boss is watching this for ideas.
⭐ Rating: 4.5/5 “Oh No” Moments
😂 COMEDIES
(Temporary escape from financial despair)
The Naked Gun (2025)
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Liam Neeson commits absolute violence against seriousness. The jokes are dumb. The jokes are loud. The jokes are perfect. You laugh so hard you forget your phone bill exists.
⭐ Rating: 5/5 Stupid Miracles
One of Them Days
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
This movie understands poverty on a spiritual level. Everything goes wrong because money is fake and rent is real. Laughing through the pain like, “Yep… that tracks.”
⭐ Rating: 5/5 Relatable Nightmares
Now You See Me: Now You Don’t
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Magicians steal things. The plot steals your logic. Everyone claps anyway. You don’t understand how it works, but neither does the movie — and that’s showbiz.
⭐ Rating: 3.5/5 Smoke Bombs
😱 HORROR
(Because life wasn’t scary enough)
Sinners
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Vampires, blues music, and vibes so thick you feel uncomfortable just sitting there. This movie doesn’t jump-scare you — it judges you.
⭐ Rating: 4.5/5 Unsettled Souls
Weapons
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Suburban parents discover their neighborhood is cursed. Which is funny because it already was. Slow, creepy, and emotionally aggressive.
⭐ Rating: 4/5 “Don’t Go In There” Decisions
M3GAN 2.0
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
She got upgraded. She got sassier. She still wants to kill everyone. Basically an iPhone update with murder.
⭐ Rating: 4/5 Killer TikToks
🧠 PRESTIGE DRAMA
(Sadness with lighting budgets)
Hamnet
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
This movie hurts you quietly and politely. You don’t cry — your soul leaks. Beautiful, tragic, and emotionally irresponsible.
⭐ Rating: 5/5 Emotional Damage
One Battle After Another
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Long shots. Long silences. Long thoughts about your life. Nothing explodes, but your patience evolves.
⭐ Rating: 4/5 Existential Stares
🧒 ANIMATION
(For kids, adults, and depressed millennials)
Zootopia 2
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Still smarter than most grown-up movies. The sloth returns and steals the show like he steals your time at the DMV.
⭐ Rating: 5/5 “Why Is This So Good?”
A Minecraft Movie
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Somehow not trash. Which shocks everyone. Blocks have feelings now. Accept it.
⭐ Rating: 4/5 Surprisingly Solid Cubes
🌍 INTERNATIONAL & STREAMING MOVIES
(Hidden gems you found at 2:17 AM)
Nadaaniyan
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Romantic chaos with charm. Makes you believe love exists — briefly.
⭐ Rating: 4.5/5 Emotional Escapes
Foreign Thriller with Subtitles
Ugly, Broke & Smelly Review:
Smarter than Hollywood. Shorter too. Leaves you mad American movies don’t try harder.
⭐ Rating: 5/5 “Why Was This Better?”
🏆 2025 UGLY, BROKE & SMELLY™ AWARDS
- 🏃 Most Running: Mission: Impossible
- 💸 Most Relatable: One of Them Days
- 🤡 Funniest: The Naked Gun
- 😭 Most Emotional Damage: Hamnet
- 🧠 Made You Feel Dumb: Foreign Thriller with Subtitles
- 🔥 Most “Did We Need This?”: Every unnecessary sequel
🎬 FINAL UGLY, BROKE & SMELLY™ VERDICT
2025 movies were:
- Loud enough to distract you from life
- Deep enough to hurt your feelings
- Dumb enough to be perfect sometimes
Overall Rating:
🍿🍿🍿🍿½
(Minus half a popcorn for inflation.)